Saturday, November 26, 2005


all tara wants are supportive parents who give encouragement and love instead of scoldings and beatings.
but what tara wants,she will not get.
tara loves her family*excluding the brother*
but does the mother love tara?
everybody wonders.
she scolds tara often,people thinks its scoldings of love.
but is it really?
does she really want tara to get out from the house?
tara's mom personally invited tara to GET OUT OF THE HOUSE.
if that is what she wants,tara will definately get out of the house.
since tara wants her mother to be happy,and if that means removing tara from existance.
tara will move out at her mothers request.
which will be very soon.
what tara wants is a little care and love from her mother.
however,what tara wants is not what she gets remember?
the mother loves the brother.
why?
because he is so smart.
and most importantly he is a boy.
he also has an air stewardess girlfriend.
which tara thinks is so dumb because air stewardesses are merely pretty bimbos with their brains in their breasts.
after camp today,tara came home.
mother cleared the cupboards and put everything in plastic bags at the dustbin.
she messaged tara to look through it.
after tara asked rather rudely where are all her jrock photos,mother found them and threw them at tara.
she kicked the cupboard door at tara's knee,which must have hurt but tara was too numb to feel anything.
tara simply set there and cried her heart out.
after that,tara went to sit out in the rain to ponder.
is it really tara's fault?
why is tara even alive?
why did tara get born into the Chia family?
did tara's mother really think she was the most perfect mother?
tara's sister came out twice to get tara to go in,but tara refused to be in the same house as mother.
however,in the end,tara did go in.
and boy did she regret it.
mother said Are you done sulking?
and tara said she was thinking.
thinking about what?mother asked.
about the way you treat me.
do you really think that you are the most perfect,flawless mother in the whole world?
did you really give tara the attention and love she really craved?
NO YOU DIDNT.
you fawned over the brother,who is actually in fact nothing at all.
you gave him priority for everything.
you called tara stupid.
you said that if tara really studied so hard,why is tara still failing so badly?
why was the prelims so badly done?
did tara really study?
after some screaming,tara went in to the bathroom to think again.
tara shouted BLAME EVERYTHING ON ME! I DONT CARE ALREADY!
then after that mother came and kicked the door and screamed WHAT DID YOU SAY?COME OUT NOW!
tara obviously didnt,because tara really feared that mother would personally kill her right outside the bathroom.
after half an hour,tara finally crept out of the bathroom.
she cleared the cupboard and put the books(which mother has thrown around)back in order.
mother left.
tara went to bathe and the tears started again.
tara simply could not stop crying.
tara is crying now in fact.
tara thought after the o'levels,she could enjoy life a little and maybe even order her first doll,an El from luts.
tara thought maybe she could bond with her mother.
tara actually prayed that her relationship with her mother would gradually improved.
tara is secretly jealous of her friends who share a close knit relationship with their mothers.
she thought on the day of graduation,she and mother could bond through the make up.
instead tara's mother snapped at her.
so forget it.
the graduation was one of the best things in tara's little mortal life.
mother even said tara was so daring,to go karaoke two nights in a row.
but didnt mother say After your o's i dont care what you do?
so why are you bothering me now?
tara is confused.
but the parents dont care.
they simply go on leading their own lives.
you know,tara's parents arent even on speaking terms.
they sleep on the same bed but in different directions.
they live in the smae house,but no communication between them.
maybe thats why tara is so stupid?
they say the first child always is the smartest,as parents shower them with love,attention and praise,all the things children crave to hear from their parents.
as tara was the third child,maybe that is the reason why is not smart.
as a child,tara does not remember close contact with parents.
neither did she remember recieving praise for anything shes done well.
maybe this is why tara is such an odd child.
no praise is given when tara was made a PSL.
zip sero zilch.
tara cant take it anymore.
tara simply existed for the sake of existing.
all the will to live and excel vanished.
tara simply faded away.
maybe everyone would not feel this way,but tara is actually suffering by living.
without a parents love,tara feels lost.
thank you all for reading tara's story.
oh yes,because of family problems,tara will not be ordering her first doll anymore.
because mother controls all the finances.
even though tara has savings.
she will not be able to purchase for fear of mother getting mad or going berserk.
mother has done plenty,throwing away all my memories.
so tara does not want to order sakito for fear of mother breaking him which is perfectly capable of.
so everyone anticipating his arrival,tara has to disappoint you.
bye.

Tara went mad at 9:44 PM